


Stuck Someplace Together in Winter

by motorbike_on_the_avenue



Series: 30 days cheesy tropes challenge [24]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Library, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 19:43:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motorbike_on_the_avenue/pseuds/motorbike_on_the_avenue
Summary: One month ago Dean and Cas spent the night together, but Dean left before Cas woke up. Dean didn’t want a boyfriend, someone else to worry about.They haven’t seen each other since.But there’s a storm brewing – literally. A snowstorm, leaving Cas and Dean (plus others) trapped in a library overnight, with nowhere to run.Dean’s starting to realise he may want something more with the dark haired guy, but Cas has his own reasons for not wanting anything more than a one night stand – one of which is trapped in the library with them.As the storm rages on outside, and the bunch of teenagers make the most of being trapped overnight, can Dean find something he wasn’t aware he was looking for – and will Cas finally reveal himself?Warning: This story contains an accidental outing; namely, two characters have a conversation about someone’s past sexual partners, which is overheard. It is a genuine accident, with no malicious intent, bought on by circumstances and not thinking, and I assure you everything does turn okay in the end.





	Stuck Someplace Together in Winter

**Author's Note:**

> This work of fiction does have an accidental outing, where two two characters have a conversation that is overheard by other people. Everything does turn out okay in the end. 
> 
> This took me three days to write, because the story just kept growing. 
> 
> The story was literally born from: hmm, where can I put them stuck together in winter? Hey, let's set it in a library, and then it spiralled out of control
> 
> I don't know if a snowstorm / rainstorm would actually happen in that time frame, but I tried to make it as believable as possible (at least I think I did) 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

The florescent light flickering above him was really annoying. How was Dean supposed to concentrate on what was already a boring text on measurement systems with the light giving him a headache.

He’d thought coming to the library would be good for him. It would stop him from sitting at his desk, staring out at the flurry of snowflakes hurrying past his windows.

Except now he was staring at the other students wandering through the stacks, browsing the books.  

Most of them were wrapped up in sweaters, and scarfs, fresh snow melting in their hair. There were a few other students sitting at tables, heads bent over books, scribbling frantically, or just staring into space while books lay open in front of them.

Dean had promised himself he’d get through this assignment before the start of winter break. Then he’d have the whole of the holidays to spend with his family, relaxing, not thinking about school.

A girl walks past, eyes flicking up and down Dean. When she notices his face, she squints, then scowls and moves on.

Whoops. Dean hunkers down over his book, rereading the same page he’s been stuck on for twenty minutes.

Dean never spends any time in the library. Maybe to check out a few books now and then. To return the books when he suddenly remembers he has them, buried under weeks’ worth of notes, or snacks, or clothes. Then he makes a dash to the library, wincing at the fine.

But spending more than a couple of minutes here? Dean’s never done that.

But it was the only place he could think of with spaces to hide.

Dean has always loved snow. It didn’t happen much where he’d grown up, but every time it did his mother would insist him and his brother Sam wrapped up warm and went for a walk with her.

She loved the snow. It made her giddy as they made snow angles, and went home to drink hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.

But Dean was finding out that a lot of his one night stands seemed to like the library. He’s seen three of them – three – so far.

‘What cha doing?’ His best friend Charlie asks, as she plops down in the seat next to him.

‘Reading,’ Dean says. He casts one last look at his book, then pushes it away. ‘But I think I’m done.’ He has to suck it up and admit he’s getting nowhere with this today. Dean rubs his eyes. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Dude, I’ve been here for hours. They just updated their fantasy section. Kind of got caught talking to the library assistant about a new author.’     

‘Yeah?’ Dean says. Maybe he should check it out. Although he’s more into sci-fi. Charlie goes on a twenty-minute talk about the new books she’s taking back to her room, and how excited she is to read them.

The lights above them flicker, and everyone in their section looks up. Dean hears a few mumbled words from other students.

‘This weather is getting really bad,’ Charlie says. She’s looking at her phone, bringing up the weather app. ‘And it’s only supposed to get worse. We should probably head back to the dorms soon.’

‘Yeah, it was pretty terrible when I came out, and that was what?’ Dean glances at his watch. ‘Two hours ago.’ He stretches himself in the chair, reaching up. ‘I can’t wait to go home.’

‘When’s your flight again?’ Charlie asks.

‘Next week.’ Dean represses a shudder. He’s looking forward to going home, but he is not looking forward to getting there. He’s putting off thinking about it as much as he can, but it’s only a short flight, and his brother and mother will be waiting at the end of it.

He just has to focus on that.

‘So. Have you heard from him again?’ Charlie says. She raises an eyebrow at him.

‘Charlie. We’ve been through this. I haven’t heard from him again, and I don’t plan to. I haven’t tried looking for him, and I don’t plan to. It was a one-time thing. Let it go.’

It’s been a month since Dean has slept with the afore mentioned guy, and Charlie has yet to shut up about it.

‘You said it was the best sex you ever had. You chased the guy for two weeks, Dean two weeks. When have you ever done that? Um, never. If they say no, you move on. But with this guy – who’s name you still won’t tell me – you chased him.’

‘I did not chase him,’ Dean says, rolling his eyes.

‘Well, I was going to say stalking but you hit me when I said it last time.’

‘I didn’t stalk him,’ Dean says with all the dignity he can muster. ‘I found out what classes he was taking and waited outside a few of them for when they ended. That is not stalking.’

‘That is not not-stalking. In a court of law, I don’t think it would hold up.’

‘I didn’t follow him. I didn’t watch him from dark corners or bushes, or invest in a pair of binoculars to spy on him. Not stalking.’  

‘But he was the best sex of your life, right? That’s what you said the day after anyway, when you couldn’t stop grinning.’

Dean pushes his chair back, standing up and grabbing his coat. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. It was a month ago. He’s done thinking about it.

Yes, it was a good night. Yes, it was the best night of Dean’s life, but it’s over. It was over the moment he woke up, and crept out on the guy – Cas -, taking his own clothes, and leaving Cas’s apartment.

Dean wasn’t looking for anything. He didn’t need a partner, someone else’s feelings to consider on a day to day basis. So, yes, he’d run out on Cas and hadn’t spoken to him since. Hadn’t waited outside the classes so he could walk him to the next one, while they chattered about books, or Dean caught Cas up on the latest episode of _Dr. Sexy_ – both of them loved the show, but Cas didn’t keep up with it every week.

‘I’m going home,’ Dean said, picking his books up. The library’s grown darker, with the sky outside; Dean can see that now he’s left his row of shelves. The high windows are still showing a flurry of snowflakes outside.

Charlie follows him. ‘Fine, I know a lost cause when I see one,’ she says. She’s dragging her bag behind her, the thump of books on the carpet echoing around the library.

Dean knows this isn’t the end of it.

‘Are libraries supposed to be this creepy?’ Dean asks. With the high ceilings, and the tall shelves, it feels like they’re the only people in there. Even with the lights turned up bright, there’s a darkness settling around the building, casting the counter and self-issue machines in shadow.

‘It is pretty creepy, isn’t it?’ Charlie says. ‘Kinda feels like we’re the only two people in the place.’

The library has thinned out considerably, Dean notices. There’s a shadow behind one of the shelves, and a couple at one of the tables in the back. Dean can hear a wheel squeaking somewhere, one of the workers shelving the books, he guesses.

The double doors open, leading to the hallway. There’s a few vending machines dotted along the wall, the doors to the toilets down here too. A few more computers lined up along the wall, with two people sitting on them, playing games.

They get to the door, leading to the outside. Charlie pushes on it. Then pushes it again.

‘Dude, can’t you read? It’s a pull door,’ Dean says.

He reaches for the handle, tugging the door inwards, and letting a whole pile of snow fall into the hallway.

They look up.

There’s a massive pile of snow, blocking their way out.

‘I don’t think we’re going anywhere soon,’ Charlie says.

Dean agrees.

 

Everyone still in the library is rounded up, except for the two guys working there. They’ve been holed up in the office, trying to call who knows who, trying to figure out what to do.

‘I mean, there’s not a lot we can do. We’re literally snowed into the building,’ one of the other people says. She’s a small blonde girl, called Jo who Dean’s seen around campus a few times before. Last time she had some guy twice her size in a headlock and was taking him for a walk across the grounds.

‘We could try scaling the wall and climbing out the windows,’ Charlie says. She looks up at the wall thoughtfully. ‘Someone might need to give me a boost.’

‘Charlie, no one is helping you to scale the walls,’ Dean says.

‘What? All I have to do is shimmy up there, force the window open, and then it’s an easy jump. The snow’s obviously pretty high, so it probably wouldn’t be that much of a jump.’

‘And what? You’re going to walk over five foot of snow to get into a building that’s going to be locked up? I’m guessing you don’t have a shovel in that bag.’

Charlie pouts. ‘Okay, fair point. I guess we’re stuck. Does anyone know how long it takes for five foot of snow to melt? Or for them to shovel us out?’ The faces of the others turn solemn.

‘We’re going to be stuck here all night, aren’t we?’ Jo asks.

‘Unfortunately, yes.’ The voice comes from behind them. The workers have left the office. ‘We could only get ahold of campus security. Apparently, the storm just hit out of nowhere, covering the whole campus. It’s supposed to turn to rain at some point during the night, and they’re hoping it will clear itself out by tomorrow morning, but until then.’ Dean turns around to look at the workers.

Shit.

One of them – the one talking – is a scruffy guy, older than everyone else there. He’s wearing a blue polo shirt, despite the snow outside, and is slouched over, hands in his pockets. ‘Looks like you’re all stuck here.’

The other guy is taller with a mop of dark hair, and blue eyes.

He also happened to give Dean the best sex of his life a month ago, before Dean ran out on him.

Cas is staring at Dean, head tilted, almost like he’s not quite sure where he knows Dean from.

When their eyes meet, Cas gives a little jerk of his head, then sweeps his gaze from Dean. ‘Well, if we’re all going to spend the night together, we should probably introduce ourselves. I’m Marv. Some of you may know me from your frequent visits here.’ His gaze lingers on Dean. ‘Some of you may not.’ He nudges Cas in the arm, then nods at him when Cas switches his attention.

‘My name is Castiel. I’m a student library assistant.’ He looks at Dean again but his eyes flick away a split second afterwards.

Dean and Charlie introduce themselves, and then Jo. There are four others there with them; Dorothy, Kevin, Meg and Amelia.  

‘My boyfriend is just in the bathroom; he’s called Jimmy, but a couple of you know that,’ Amelia says. A few of them laugh, but Jo, Charlie and Dean don’t get the joke.

‘Jimmy’s my twin,’ Cas says.

Shit, Dean thinks. They’re two guys with that face walking around? How unfair can life be? Dean’s almost dreading meeting Jimmy, but when the guy comes walking towards them, he relaxes. He does look similar to Cas, but he’s more put together, his body a little slimmer, and he’s a little shorter than Cas.

His voice isn’t as deep when he comes over to them, taking Amelia’s hand in his. ‘I guess we’re stuck here?’ he asks. They all nod.

‘You know, if it’s okay with you lot, I’m going to take point in the office. Try and keep up to date with the progress, let you young people hang out without me,’ Marv says. ‘There’s vending machines in the hallway if you want snacks, and if you ask nicely, Cas might go and fetch what we have in the staffroom. The toilets should be up and working, and if you get bored…well.’ Marv gestures around the library, at the stacked shelves. ‘I’m sure you can find some way to entertain yourselves.’ He nods at them once more, then walks back into the office, closing the door behind him.

Cas moves away from it, fitting neatly into the rough circle they’ve made, between Charlie and Amelia.

‘He’s gone to lie under the desk and sleep,’ Cas says.

‘Sounds like a great boss,’ Jo says. Cas shrugs.

‘He’s a terrible boss. He spends most of the time reading the books, and then leaving them in the office, in piles. It’s a death trap in there,’ Cas says. His tone is mild though, like he doesn’t actually mind the death trap. ‘But he’s the most well-read person I’ve ever met. He’s read over thousands of books, and he seems to remember every one of them. Pretty good for a librarian.’

A silence falls over them then; none of them really know each other (with the exception of Charlie and Dean, and Jimmy, Cas and Amelia).

‘Well, I don’t know about you guys but spending a whole night reading sounds like a pretty good waste of an evening,’ Jo says. Both Charlie and Cas make protest sounds at that, but Jo holds up a hand, which silences them. ‘We’re a bunch of young, smart people. I’m sure we can come up with something to do. Now, I believe Marv mentioned snacks?’ She turns to look at Cas.

‘He did. But it’s currently 4pm, and the snow isn’t predicted to clear until at least 10am tomorrow morning. If we eat the snacks in the staffroom now, we’re going to have to break open the vending machines. And that’s going to be an awful lot of paperwork tomorrow.’ Cas frowns. ‘Come to think of it, this whole situation is going to be a nightmare. Maybe I should get started on the paperwork now.’ He eyes the office door, but a large snore from inside takes his gaze away.

It flits to Dean, and then flits away again.

‘Guys, do you realise how awesome this is? We get to spend the night trapped in a library. With friends,’ Charlie says.

‘Speak for yourself, I don’t know any of you,’ Jo snorts. ‘But I’m willing to hang out with you for the evening.’ She grins at them. ‘Don’t suppose any of you know any good games to play?’

 

Most of the games they know involve drinking (which don’t work quite the same with Ribena or soda), or dressing up and acting out some fantasy novel which no one but Charlie has heard of (it’s also her suggestion, but everyone quickly shoots that idea down.)

‘Maybe we should just talk? Get to know each other,’ Jimmy suggests. They’ve all settled down on the floor, except Kevin. He decided that having an evening in a library, with literally nowhere else to go, was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Apparently, he doesn’t stop studying until his eyesight goes fuzzy and he gets a headache the size of a bus.

‘Dude, I am not acting out a scene from The Breakfast Club,’ Dean says. He looks at Cas. It was one of the films they talked about.

‘Well what do you suggest we do?’ Amelia asks. ‘Our options are talking, or reading or curling up and going to sleep on the floor.’ She looks at her watch. ‘It’s not even 5pm.’

‘Hey, I could sleep for 17 hours,’ Dean says.

‘That’s not sleeping, that’s a coma,’ Cas says. He instantly purses his lips, like he’s mad at himself for speaking.

For speaking to Dean.

‘Well what do you suggest?’ Dean asks. Cas hasn’t said anything to him. Apart from the slight jump when he first saw Dean, he hasn’t reacted in any way.

Dean doesn’t know why he’s pushing him. He walked away, he cut off all contact.

But now Cas is here, and he’s looking at him with those blue eyes. And Dean likes Cas looking at him. It was what drew his attention in the first place; a crowded cafeteria hall at lunch, and the feeling like someone was watching him. An interested gaze, and Dean shot him a flirty grin and a wink, which had Cas’s mouth quirking up at one side.

‘You know, I’ve heard some great things about these stacks,’ Meg drawls. She’s kept quiet up till now. If you can count rolling your eyes and huffing at everyone’s suggestions quiet. ‘About how easy it is to slink down them, and keep yourself busy for a while.’ She’s looking right at Cas as she says this. Dean is dismayed to see a light pinking of Cas’s cheeks. ‘If you catch my drift.’

‘Eww,’ Jo says. ‘I’m not going to spend the evening making out with somebody I just met in a building full of other people doing who knows what in the next aisle over.’ She wrinkles her nose. ‘I don’t even think the pairings would work.’ She points at Amelia and Jimmy. ‘They’d be down one, obviously.’ Amelia and Jimmy have been holding hands the whole time, but they look a little startled at the idea of making out in public. Judging by Amelia’s buttoned up shirt, smart trousers, and simple gold cross around her neck, Dean doesn’t think they’re the kind of couple prone to PDA’s. ‘Dorothy –,’

‘I’m a lesbian,’ Dorothy says. ‘So, unless you, Charlie or Meg are volunteering, I’m going to have to pass.’

‘Charlie’s gay,’ Dean helpfully supplies. It earns him a nudge in the side from Charlie, but Dean’s not stupid. He’s noticed the way she keeps looking at Dorothy. ‘She’s probably only too happy to volunteer.’ That gets him a pinch on his leg, and he hisses as Charlie’s nails twist the skin.

‘Okay. Amelia & Jimmy, Charlie and Dorothy. Anyone else got a preference?’ Jo asks.

‘Open to anything,’ Dean says. Cas keeps his mouth shut.

‘Right. Well, in all honestly, I’m kind of liking the look of Kevin, so if I had to choose I’d go for him.’ Jo looks at Meg, a smirk on her face. ‘Dean and Cas have obviously got the hots for each other,’ Cas jerks at that, ‘so that leaves you. If you still wanna play, I could go wake up Marv for you.’

Meg scowls at her. ‘Dean and Cas haven’t got the hots for each other. I’ll take Cas, and Dean can take Marv. Or you. Since he said he was open to anything.’

‘Oh please. They haven’t stopped looking at each other the whole time we’ve been here. Guys, admit it. You like each other, right?’ Jo turns to face them.

There’s silence.

Then Jimmy breaks it with a laugh.

‘Sorry Dean, but my brother isn’t gay. Looks like you’ve got Jo after all.’ Jimmy is chuckling, but Amelia is looking anywhere but at Cas.

Cas has a blank look on his face. Not like he’s zoned out or anything, but like the shutters have come down, and blocked off all emotion. ‘Right, Cas?’ Jimmy says.

‘Of course,’ Cas says. ‘But, as nice as I’m sure you are, Meg,’ Jo snorts a laugh disguised as a cough at that, ‘I don’t want to spend the night making out with a stranger, either. It would be a bit weird, with my brother in the same room.’ Meg sighs.

‘You guys are all such bores.’ She swivels, turning herself around. Then she lays down on the floor, facing the ceiling. ‘Fine. If not all of you want to make out, let’s play truth or dare. You can pick which one.’

‘And if you don’t like the question or the dare?’ Jo asks. She moves too, till she’s lying down facing the ceiling, her head an inch away from Meg’s. ‘There should be some kind of forfeit.’

Pretty soon, it’s decided that they’re going to play truth or dare. If they say no to both the truth and the dare, then each other person gets to put a handful of snow down their back.

And since none of them have come to the library with a spare change of clothes in their bags, they either have to spend the night in wet clothes or naked.

It’s warm in the library, but not enough to completely starve off the chill of the storm. Dean’s kind of worried they might all have to get naked and huddle together for warmth later, to sleep.

He saw it on a nature program once.

‘Me first. Meg, truth or dare?’ Jo asks.

‘Dare.’

‘I dare you to eat a page from a book,' Jo says. 

'Rule number one: nobody harms any books,' Cas says. 

'Protective much?' Jo says. 'Are you really telling me that you don't have a spare book lying around? Books for sale, something like that?' 

'I am very protective of the books. If you damage them, I will not be held responsible for my actions,' Cas says, and Dean has a brief flashback of Cas pinning him to wall, holding him up. 'Not to mention the hazards of eating a book. These have all been touched by hundreds of people, and while every care is taken to ensure dirty books are off the shelves, the amount of stains I've seen inside books, leads me to believe that eating one wouldn't be a great idea.' 

'I'm sure they are lots of other dares we could do,' Charlie says. There's silence as they try and think but they've veoted kissing, and now they can't touch the books - not that Dean really wants to after Cas's speech - so there's not an awful lot they can do. None of them are drunk which means making a fool of themselves by doing reckless things are out. None of them want to do anything stupid, and then spend the rest of the night getting judged for it. 

'I guess we're just playing truth then,' Meg says. 'I'll go first. Jo, if you're so keen on Kevin, how come you noticed Dean and Cas staring at each other?' 

'Because Dean's very handsome too, and I'm debating giving him my number when this is over,' Jo answers promptly. 'What? You thought I was going to be embarrassed about it? Nope. I will beat you at this, Meg.' Dean feels very hot all of a sudden. Jo is cute, sure, but Cas is literally three people away from her. 

He can't see anyone but Cas. 

'Well, if we're playing might as well get comfortable,' Charlie says. 'Everyone budge up so we can lie down.' 

Dean doesn't know how she does it. He really doesn't. One second she's the one next to him, bare arms touching him, and the next there's a solid warm body next to his. He looks over, and is surprised to see a pair of blue eyes gazing back at him. 

Charlie's moved herself to Cas's other side, so she can lie next to Dorothy. Of course, she has no idea Cas is the guy she's been trying to find out about, so she has no clue what torment Dean's in now. 

All the same, he's still going to have to push her into the snow when they get out of here as punishment for doing this to him. 

 'Amelia, you go,' Jo says once everyone is lying down. Dean has to admit, staring at the ceiling is easier than having strangers look at you. 

'Okay,' Amelia says. 'Where did you all get your names from?' Meg groans. 

'What kind of truth is that?' Meg asks. 

They all hear Amelia shrug. 

'I like knowing about where people got their name from. Mine was picked out of a baby book, but Cas has got an interesting story.' 

'Yeah, well, with a name like Castiel there's got to be an interesting story. Doubt you find that in most baby books,' Jo says. 'My name is Joanna Beth and it was picked because my mother couldn't decide which name she liked best out of the three of them. Joe for my granddad, Anna for my grandma or Beth for my Aunt.' 

'Meg, because the nurse who found me in the alleyway where my mother left me had watched a film with a character called Megan in the night before.' There's a murmur of 'oh' as they all digest this new information about Meg. 'Aw, don't feel too bad for me. I got adopted by parents who loved and adored me. I've made their life a living hell, turning into the demon I am now, but you know, we had a good run till I was seven.' 

'I'm named after my Grandma,' Dean says. 

'Your Grandma was called Dean?' Amelia asks. 

'No, Deanna. They named my little brother Sam after our Grandpa. No idea why they did it that way around.' 

'Charlie, you might as well go. Jimmy will explain my name when he gets to his, and no one wants to sit through the story twice,' Cas says. There's some half-hearted protest from a couple of people, but Charlie speaks before they can force Cas into anything. 

'Well, okay. My name isn't actually Charlie. I gave myself a fake name when I was moved towns, because it was easier pretending to be somebody else, rather than still being me. I didn't want to change my name too much, so I kept the first letter, and if you look me up it'll say Charlene.' 

'So, what was your given name? You don't have to tell us,' Jo says.

'No, I don't mind. I don't avoid the topic when it comes up, but I'd never bring it up myself. I was called Celeste. I never got around to asking my parents why they choose it - they both died in a car crash when I young. That’s why I was moved towns.' 

'That's tough,' Jo says. 

There's a silence for a little while, but Dean guesses a few of them have dead parent stories because no one apologizes to Charlie, or offers empty terms of support. 

'I'm named after Dorothy in the wizard of Oz,' Dorothy says. 'I'm distantly related to the author, and my Dad's completely obsessed with that fact.' 

'I love that book,' Charlie says. There's a few murmurs of agreement.   

'I'm called Jimmy - well James - after a Grandparent,' Jimmy says. 'But you all want to know about Cas, and he hates having to explain his name, so I'll do it for him.' 

'Everyone I meet comments on my name when they first hear it,' Cas says. But Dean can feel him shifting slightly next to him. When he looks over, Cas is tapping, playing with his fingers; he's not just bored of telling the story, it makes him uncomfortable. 

'Me and Cas are the only children of our parents. They had a hard time getting pregnant, and they used to pray to God every night that he'd feel they deserved a child. Mum didn't even know she was pregnant until she was giving birth in the back of a taxi.' A couple of people laugh. 'They'd decided to take a break from trying for a year, and were basically doing everything they could to avoid thinking about it, which is why she didn't pay it any attention. When I came, they were so happy - luckily, they'd reached the hospital by that time. When the doctor told my mother that there was a second child - well, she decided he was a gift from God. Cas almost died during the labour, but she says her prayers kept him alive, and so they decided to name him after an angel. We were born on a Thursday, so Castiel, the Angel of Thursday was chosen.' 

'And your parents didn't think you were a gift from God?' Meg asks. Dean feels Cas tense next to him. 

'They did. But I was more like their deserved payment for loyal service. I was what they felt was due to them, for waiting so long. Cas was an unexpected treat.' Jimmy doesn't sound bitter about it, or resigned to his fate. It's just a fact - Cas was the unexpected cherry on top of the paid for cake. 

'Don't go feeling too sorry for him,' Amelia says. 'Cas may be named after an angel, but Jimmy's a mother's boy.' Dean watches as Amelia squeezes Jimmy's hand gently, letting him know she's teasing. 

'Yes, Jimmy is the favourite child,' Cas says. 

Jimmy doesn't say anything. 'Sometimes even they admit that they got the names the wrong way around.' Jimmy laughs, but Dean gets a feeling it's more to break the tension than because he found the remark funny. 'Not that I'd be any less of a disappointment living under my Grandfather's name,' Cas mutters. 

Dean's pretty sure he's the only one who hears it. 

He's also sure no one was meant to. 

 

They play truth for a couple of hours. Sometimes it's heart breaking - someone asks a question about parents, and while Cas, Jimmy, Amelia, and Dorothy all have parents still alive and together, none of the rest of them do. Meg's adopted parents split when she was 12, and she hasn't seen her mother since, Dean's Dad died in a car accident when he was 15, and Jo's dad died when she was young. Everyone remembers Charlie's story and doesn't ask her for it again. 

Some of the questions are amusing and not exactly questions – Charlie manages to get them to finally act out their favourite fictional scene ever. Threatens them with snow if they don’t do it this time around. She herself acts out a battle scene from Lord of the Rings, instructing all of them to be the other elves, or orcs, and telling them where to go. Dean makes Meg and Kevin - who's come to join the group now - act out a scene from Dr. Sexy. It's probably not his favourite scene ever, but he remembers it pretty well, and Kevin gives as good as he gets to Meg. If she was expecting him to back off, or feel embarrassed she picked the wrong nerd. 

Jimmy asks if it has to be fictional, and when he tells them his favourite story is one from the bible, Dean hears the small snort that Cas gives. They're all standing around by then, but Dean's made sure to stick close by Cas. Not that anyone would notice, but he leans up against the counter while Cas is standing next to it, because Dean just happened to leave his drink there and needed some refreshment after they all refused quite loudly to act out a scene from Meg's favourite porno. 

Cas got away with not having to do anything, because he admitted he didn't watch much TV or films. He'd watched a few, but nothing several times over, not enough to have people recreate it in any length. 

And while he's a big reader most of the books he enjoys are old texts in other languages and nobody really feels like pretending to be angels. 

They all quite like acting a scene from Star Wars out though, which is Dean's choice (again. He gets to take Cas’s go). Even if they do have to quickly make rolled up newspapers light sabers. 

When Dorothy asks the question about losing your virginity - which Amelia and Jimmy both admit hasn't happened yet as they're waiting for marriage -, Cas excuses himself. He says he's going to get the snacks out, but Dean notices he doesn't come back until they're two questions away from talking about their sex life. 

They're pretty lucky. Marv seems to keep a whole host of instant noodles in the cupboard, and they've got water from the kettle to cook them with. Sure, they're a little bit crunchy, but it's better than surviving on sweets from the vending machines the whole evening. 

'Hold on, it's my mother,' Jo says as her phone starts ringing. Most of them have had their phones in back pockets for the evening. None of them thought to bring a charger to the library, and once their battery's die, it's all over. 'Hey, what's up?' Jo says. Meg is smirking, like she's just dying to call something out, but she refrains herself for the duration of Jo's phone call. Jo assures her mother that she's fine, that she's snowed in, in a library - and then asks why her mother is laughing, and she actually comes to the library quite often thank you very much. 

This sparks a round of phone calls as everyone else gets their phones out, and starts calling loved ones. Most of them have already heard about the storm. Some of them had texted hours ago, to check they were okay, but it's the first time in the evening that the group breaks off, some of them disappearing into the stacks to have private conversations. 

'You not going to call anyone?' Dean asks Cas. He sits down next to him on the floor. 

'Jimmy's calling them,' Cas says, nodding to where Jimmy has a phone clamped to his ear.

'What, they won't want to speak to you, make sure you're okay?' Cas shrugs. 

'Jimmy will mention that I'm fine. They probably won't ask, and that will be the only time my name is bought up in the conversation. What about you? Won't your mother be worried?' 

'I've been texting my little brother every couple of hours to let him know it's all good. He's excited for me - being locked in a library overnight is a dream of his.' Cas smiles at that.

‘That’s Sam, right?’ he asks, and Dean feels a lurch in his stomach. Dean’s told Cas all about Sam. His little brother is his go to topic for when he’s feeling nervous and doesn’t know what to say. Which he felt a lot around Cas.

‘Yeah,’ Dean says. ‘Look, Cas, about what happened.’ Cas’s gaze flicks to his brother, and then back to Dean. When he speaks again his voice is low and dangerous and Dean wishes it didn’t do the things to him that it does.

‘In case it’s escaped your notice my brother doesn’t know that sometimes I sleep with men. I would like to keep it that way.’

‘Yeah, sure, man. I’m not going to say anything to him. I just thought I should say sorry for how I left things.’

‘You didn’t leave _things_ Dean, you just left. Don’t feel you have to apologise.’

‘I do though. Feel I have to apologise.’ Cas is looking at him, that stare that makes Dean feel like he’s being looked inside of instead of just at.

‘If we hadn’t been stuck in this situation would you still feel like you had to? I’m assuming it wasn’t your first one night stand, and I’m assuming I’m not the first one you crept out on.’ 

‘No,’ Dean says, and in this darkening library, surrounded by old books and new friends, he says ‘but you’re the only one I’ve felt shitty about.’

‘It doesn’t matter anyway,’ Cas says, as he runs a hand through his hair, and gives a bitter laugh. ‘You know, I haven’t slept with a single guy since I’ve been here. Three years, and I’ve barely even looked at another guy. I thought university was going to be great. I could finally be myself, not have to hide making out with guys around the back of the church disco. And then my brother decided he wants to come here, and my parents decided that me and Jimmy had to go to the same university.’ Cas answers the question Dean didn’t even ask. ‘Jimmy’s their favourite, but they make a lot of effort to make sure I can’t turn around in five years and give them any actual proof. Sam university meant same amount of funds spent on our education.’

‘And you can’t tell Jimmy? Is it the religious thing?’ Dean asks. Charlie and Dorothy are coming back from other stacks, both of them looking a little flushed in the cheeks. Jo’s voice is floating over, saying bye to her mother, and Dean knows they’ve only got a few seconds left for this conversation.

Cas considers his question.

‘No. My parents hate homosexuals with a passion, but I’m not sure it’s anything to do with religion. They just have a certain view of the world. If you don’t match up with it, then you can go to the fiery pits of hell the religion lets them believe in. They’re not bad people, they just have bad opinions.’

‘And Jimmy’s the same? He didn’t say anything when Dorothy said she was a lesbian earlier.’

‘Well, that’s the thing. Jimmy’s very good at not showing when things have got to him. His primary aspect is politeness. If a situation made him uncomfortable you’d never know it.’

‘So, he’s never said anything about his views?’ Cas shakes his head.

‘And you? What are your religious views?’ Dean’s expecting a laugh, and for Cas to tell him he can’t believe in something that hates who he is.

‘I believe in God, yes. Heaven and hell, angels and demons, that kind of thing. I don’t believe it gives people the right to act like they’re better than some people, just because of how people were born.’ Dean sits there, gazing at this boy, who he’s starting to realise he doesn’t really know.

But who he’d quite like to.

‘Did you mean what you said?’ Dean asks. ‘About not sleeping with any other guys while you’ve been here.’ Cas nods, but the shutters have come down again. ‘What made me so special? Why was I worth breaking your rules for?’ Dean’s thinking Cas is about to sprout words that will make his stomach squeeze, and make him blush, but that he actually really wants to hear.

Instead Cas stands up, leaning down to whisper ‘because I knew you wouldn’t be there in the morning,’ in Dean’s ear, before walking away.

 

They decide to play hide and seek. Meg wants to count, and before they’re all allowed to go hide, Cas gives them a speech. He says if they mess up any library books, they will spend the time after the game tidying them back up, and if they damage any of the books, they will pay for them. He tells them he knows their names now, and glares at each of them, so much so that Dean’s scared of touching a library book ever again.

Dean chooses to hide in the middle of the library. He sneaks down one of the rows of books, with another shelf running parallel to it, creating a nice little corner for Dean to hang out in. He sits himself down, back against the books and looks around him.

Well, this boring. At least when they were all together they could talk. There’s a few muffled giggles coming from the stack of shelves next to Dean, and then hushing. The library falls silent. Meg’s either counting silently, or didn’t bother with the ‘ready or not’ because Dean can’t hear anything now.

If he thought the library was creepy before, it’s nothing compared to now. Even with all the lights on.

Dean thumps his head back. With no one to distract him, all he can think about is what Cas said earlier. He slept with him because he knew Dean wouldn’t be there in the morning. Either Dean’s reputation proceeds him, or else he just looks like the kind of guy who’d run out on you in the morning.

Whatever the reason, Cas decided Dean would be a good person to release three years of hiding on, and that pisses Dean off. Cas treated him like he wouldn’t care, like he wouldn’t have feelings the morning after. Wouldn’t mind being dismissed.

It takes these thoughts for Dean to realise that he does mind. He does care that Cas doesn’t seem to care about him, and not just because it felt like a rejection and his ego was feeling bruised.

Dean likes Cas.

He hadn’t gotten over him like he thought he would. God, it would be so much easier if he had.

A noise from the base of his shelves has him looking up, and then Cas is standing at the end, back to Dean. He’s peering around the shelf, but tip toes backwards. Like he doesn’t want someone to see him.

When he turns around and sees Dean, he almost jumps out of his skin.

‘You okay?’ Dean whispers. Cas gives one last fleeting look over his shoulder, then comes and sits next to Dean.

‘Hiding from Meg,’ he whispers back.

‘Isn’t that what everyone is doing?’

‘Yes, but she’s not seeking everyone else. She seems intent on hunting me down, and…well I don’t really want to think about what she’s going to do when she catches me.’

‘You can hide out here with me. If you like. She can’t corner you alone if there’s two of us.’ Cas squints at Dean, and tilts his head.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind? I presumed that after what I told you earlier, you might feel a little offended. That wasn’t my intention.’

‘Was it true?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry Dean. But people talk about you, and you’re very attractive, so when you started showing up all over the place smiling and staring at me, it felt safe. Like I wouldn’t have to come out to my brother, but I could still have a little bit of myself. You felt safe.’ He doesn’t say like a safe bet, or safe because you wouldn’t tell. He says it like Dean was a safe place, and Dean likes it.

And he called Dean attractive. Dean didn’t miss that part.

‘You felt like the scariest thing I was ever going to do in my life,’ Dean says. He doesn’t know where that came from, but he knows it’s true. ‘I don’t date people for more than a week. Hell, I don’t usually like people for more than a week. But you coming into my life felt like it could be something more. Made me feel like I wanted something more.’

‘That’s very sweet of you to say Dean.’ Cas hesitates and Dean knows what’s coming, he just fucking knows, but he still lets Cas go ahead and say it because he’s hoping it will squash the feelings he’s having once and for all. ‘And, maybe, if the situation were different, we could try. But my brother – for everything I feel about him and my parents and their opinions – is still my best friend. He wouldn’t walk out on me, would still pretend like everything’s okay, but I’d know. I’d know the emotional distance he’d put between us, and that would hurt. Even worse than hiding myself hurts.’

Dean hasn’t noticed that he’s been leaning closer to Cas all this time, but when Cas turns to look at him, their faces are millimetres apart. Dean can feel Cas’s breath ghosting over his face, see Cas’s pupils suddenly grow wide in the blue iris’s.

Dean’s going to take this.

‘Found you! Oh.’ Meg is standing at the foot of the stacks, Charlie, Jo, and Dorothy behind her. ‘You know for people who didn’t want to make out, I’m sure catching an awful lot of you doing it.’ Cas has pulled his head away from Dean, his breathing now heavy, and his face red. His fingers are digging into the carpet. Charlie’s frowning down at them, but Dean doesn’t know if it’s because she’s wondering what’s going on or if it’s because she’s just caught him trying to make out with a guy who’s already told everyone he’s straight.

‘We weren’t,’ Cas says and then stops. ‘Who did you find kissing?’ he asks. Meg gestures at Charlie and Dorothy. ‘Apparently, we’ve got ourselves a little gay love fest going on here,’ she says.

Dean makes a mental note to high five Charlie later.

‘Where’s everyone else?’ Cas asks. His voice is higher than normal, and Dean feels a twist in his gut. He caused that.

‘Kevin said he was going to get more snacks from the vending machine. No idea where the other two are, but let’s be honest they were just dragging us down,’ Meg says. She sits on the floor, cross legged.

‘That’s my brother and his girlfriend you’re insulting,’ Cas says.

‘Are you going to sit there and tell me they’re not two of the dullest people you’ve ever met?’ Meg asks.

‘Of course. They might not be the drinking games, party animals type of people, but then again neither am I. I’d prefer it if you refrained from insulting them in front of me again.’ Meg rolls her eyes.

‘Games up. Come out, come out where ever you are,’ Meg shouts. There’s a moments silence, and then some shuffling feet, and then Amelia and Jimmy appear at the end of the shelves, Kevin right behind them. They take one look at Dean and Cas, sitting with their backs to the shelves, and Meg sitting at the side.

One by one they all settle down on the floor, too.

‘It’s nicer here than the front of the library,’ Amelia says. ‘Quieter.’ She hides a yawn behind her hand. ‘We haven’t done much, but I’m exhausted. What are we doing about sleeping? I assume we’re going to?’

The sky outside the windows is dark now, but the snow seems to have stopped.

‘They’re probably a couple of sheets lying around. Sometimes we use them if we’ve got an event, so the tables are easier to clean up,’ Cas says. ‘They’re not thick, but they might provide some warmth. Some of them might have glitter on. And there’s a pile of, well, I wouldn’t call them cushions. They’ve been here for years – some children’s library donated them to us. The kids used to sit on them when they did activities, but they’ll provide some comfort from the floor.’

‘So, we’re going to sleep then?’ Jimmy asks. Everyone nods, and Cas gets up to get the stuff. A couple of minutes later all the lights, apart from the one at the front goes off, casting the library in a soft glow. Most of the light is blocked by the shelves, but they can make out everyone’s body shape.

Cas comes back. They’re only six tablecloths, and he hands them to Jo, Meg, Amelia, Charlie and Dorothy.

‘Uh, you know we only need one,’ Charlie says. Dean sees her hands reach out to hand Cas the cloth back.

‘Right,’ says Dorothy. ‘We’re pretty happy over here.’

‘Me and Jimmy can share,’ Amelia says. She shuffles back a little bit and Dean watches as her and Jimmy lie down next to each other, almost at the end of the shelves, their legs sticking out into the main body of the library. Charlie and Dorothy are pressed together against the right-hand bookshelves, their heads turned to each other, whispers floating over to Dean.

‘Well, not to be rude, but I need one. I’m a blanket hogger,’ Jo says. She slinks down a little, till she’s at the bottom of the bookshelves, too. Everyone else is going to have to sleep within the little space the bookshelves on either side create.

Dean looks at the empty space beside him. He vaguely notices that’s there’s enough space for a body to lie down there.

‘Me too,’ says Meg. ‘Guess we’re all sleeping in this stack for tonight.’ She takes the left-hand bookcase, turning her back on them all. Whoever sleeps next to Dean will have the perfect view of the top of her head.  

‘There are two blankets left,’ Cas says. He’s standing in the middle, looking around at them all.

‘Well, there’s not much room next to me,’ Kevin says. ‘Guess you’re bunking with Dean tonight, Cas.’ Kevin slips a blanket through Cas’s fingers, rolls it around him, and that’s the end of the conversation.

There’s a beat, and then in the quiet, dark library, Cas walks towards Dean. Lies down next to Dean, keeping his face firmly turned towards the ceiling.

‘Here,’ Cas says, shaking the blanket out over them. It doesn’t quite reach over Dean, so he shuffles a little closer to Cas. Cas tenses a little, but when Dean doesn’t move again, he relaxes.

‘Goodnight everyone,’ Amelia says. The noise is loud in the quiet room, but even Charlie and Dorothy seem to realise that’s their cue to go to sleep as the whispering stops.

 

It’s a little later – maybe a lot later, even – and Dean isn’t sure if he’s been asleep or not. He’s not entirely sure if he’s awake now. It’s still dark out. There’s a soft snoring coming from a couple of people, but Dean’s too hazy to pinpoint who it is.

Someone turns their face towards him and even in the completely darkness of the library – Marv having turned the light off at some point, so Dean has been asleep because he didn’t notice that – some part of Dean’s brain knows that Cas is looking at him.

‘’m awake,’ Dean mumbles, but it comes out sloppy.

‘Me too,’ Cas whispers back. ‘But go back to sleep.’

‘Okay,’ Dean says. He becomes aware that Cas’s body is pressed against his, that Cas’s t-shirt has ridden up a little and there’s hot skin pressed against his side. Dean laughs sleepily to himself.

‘What?’ Cas whispers. He sounds much more coherent than Dean.

‘Jus thinking. This ish what it could have been like.’ If Dean was more awake, he’d probably notice Cas tense up. ‘If I stayed. Promise in the morning I’m still gonna be here. This time.’

Dean’s slipping back into sleep, the fast beating of Cas’ heart thrumming against his chest.

There’s a dirty chuckle from the side, and Dean blinks his eyes open at the harsh noise.

‘I knew there was something going on between you and Dean,’ Meg’s voice rings out. ‘I thought it might just be flirting, but no you actually slept together before now. And by the sounds of it, it did not end well. Has this just been so awkward for you, Cas?’

Cas is sitting up now, his head turning from Meg to his brother. Dean sits up groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes, coming back to his senses.

_Shit._

‘Cas,’ Dean says, voice low. He glances at the sleeping – man, he hopes they’re sleeping – figures of Amelia and Jimmy. ‘Cas.’ He wants to tell him to calm down, that everything’s going to be okay.

Instead he puts a hand on his arm.

‘Don’t,’ Cas says sharply, shaking him off. Jo murmurs something, and they both freeze. Meg sits up.

‘What is going on? Did I hit a nerve? Hey, Dean, wanna swap places?’ she asks. Jo makes a noise again, and then it feels like slow motion as noises ripple around the room.

Cas is tensed, his face straight towards his brother, waiting.

And then Amelia clears her throat and sits up.

 

There’s a lot of heads turning in their direction right now. Even though they’re only just waking up, the others seem to drink in the tense atmosphere, and don’t say anything.

‘Is he awake?’ Cas says. He sounds scared, and Dean squeezes his arm.

Cas shakes him off. Dean feel sick. This is his fault, all because he wasn’t concentrating on what he was saying.

He’s probably wrecked any chance of having anything with Cas now, and that thought shouldn’t be bothering him as much as it does, but it is and Dean can’t stop the thought. He wants a chance with Cas, he realises. Even if it doesn’t come for a couple more years, and he just has to be his friend – and maybe have secret sex with each other, Dean’s kind of thinking – but he does want something with Cas.

‘I am,’ Jimmy says, and then he sits up too, the blanket falling to the floor.

‘Did you…did you hear all that?’ Cas asks. Jo’s turning her head this way and that, looking between them, and Dean can feel Charlie staring at him.

‘I did,’ Jimmy says. ‘Is it true? Have you and Dean slept together? Are you gay, Cas?’ Dorothy and Charlie both sit up at that.

‘Shit,’ Meg says, and Dean is glad to hear that she sounds guilty. ‘Shit. You weren’t out.’ She gives a little laugh, and at first Dean wants to punch her, but it’s too forced, and she cuts it short. ‘You know, I think I was probably dreaming. You ever done that? Imagined a conversation between people when you’ve been asleep? Did I mention I sleep talk?’

‘Is it true?’ Jimmy asks again. Meg drops her head into her hands, and Dean feels a brief burst of pity for her. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but being cocky and smug can turn on you in an instant.

‘Of course it’s not,’ Dean says. Cas seems frozen. He didn’t ask for this. ‘I was barely awake myself. I’m still pretty tired. Why don’t we all go back to sleep and -,’

‘Castiel.’ Jimmy’s voice cuts through Dean, and he stops speaking.

‘Can we have this conversation somewhere else?’ Cas asks. His voice is quiet, and Dean feels his heart breaking a little. Cas is going to come out to his brother, the one thing he’s been avoiding. Cas’s fingers are scrambling on the carpet again, and even though Dean knows it’s probably not a good idea, he still covers Cas’s hand with his own under the cover of the sheet.

Cas grabs it.

‘I think we should all go back to sleep. It’s -,’ Amelia taps on her phone screen, the ghostly light shining on her face from below ‘-3.35am. We can talk about this in the morning.’

‘Of course,’ Jimmy says. ‘Let’s all go back to sleep.’ Dean thinks he’s only done that for Amelia. He wonders why she hasn’t spoken up before now: she could have said something, Jimmy would have believed her. Doesn’t she know that Cas wasn’t ready for this? Or did she want this? Want her boyfriend to know his brothers’ secrets. Deans’ not stupid; the way she turned her face away from the conversation earlier, the way her gaze lingered on them a little too long sometimes; she knows that Cas is gay. Or at least likes men and women.

It takes a couple of minutes, but they all lie down again, only Cas sitting up. Dean puts a hand on his shoulder, and Cas turns his face towards him. Dean wants to speak to him, to tell him it’ll be okay, he’s here for him, but saying anything right now probably isn’t a good idea. Instead he pulls him back down gently, wrapping an arm around him under the cover of the blanket.

Cas doesn’t come any closer, but he doesn’t push Dean off either.

‘I’m sorry,’ Meg whispers through the dark, but no one says anything back. After a while the only sound is people softly snoring again, and as Dean drifts back off to sleep, the pitter patter of the rainstorm starting.

 

Dean wakes to the thundering of rain on the roof. He’s surprised he slept through it for as long as he did, but then the events of last night come back to him, and he’s sitting up looking around.

Only Kevin is still snoring on the floor, mouth agape, a small line of drool travelling down to the carpet. Even with the deep sleep he’s in, his face looks tired in the cold light of the day.

‘Welcome back sleepyhead,’ Charlie says. She’s walking towards him, grasping two cups of coffee in her hands, one of which she hands to him.

‘Thanks,’ he says. ‘What time is it?’

‘About 8.30. The rain’s been going at it for hours; we’re still a little snowed in, but it should only be another hour or so until we can make our way safely home. Marv said he’s just glad today’s a Sunday, so he doesn’t have to spend the day working. The library’s closed on Sundays.’

Dean takes a sip of his coffee, glad of the warmth spreading though him, and warming his fingers.

‘Where’s everyone else?’ he asks after a moment.

‘Jo’s decided that she might as well try and make the most of being in a library. She’s gone to find something to read, although she’ll probably be back pretty soon. Dorothy and Meg are in the toilet, freshening up. Well, that’s what they said anyway. Personally, I think Meg’s gone to hide from everyone, and Dorothy wanted to make sure she was okay. They share a few classes, and she felt bad for her.’ That’s great, but that’s not who Dean wanted to know about. ‘Jimmy, Cas and Amelia weren’t here when I woke up. The blanket they’d been using is folded neatly on the floor, but I don’t know where they are. They don’t appear to be in the library, or the toilets, they’re not in the staffroom – I had to go ask Marv if he could let me in so we could get coffee for everyone.’

‘You think they went out?’ Dean asks, and his mind is filled with pictures of Jimmy and Amelia storming out of the library, trying to make it across the partially melted snow, Cas hurrying after them.

‘I doubt it. Probably in a closet somewhere.’ Charlie winces. ‘Sorry, bad choice of words. There are still loads of places they could be. There’s even a second floor, but Cas told me it’s where they keep all the books not on the shelves. We all decided to let you and Kevin sleep. He looks so tired, doesn’t he? I think the exams might be getting to him.’

They both drink in silence for a while, until Dean can’t handle it anymore.

‘So, you and Dorothy, huh? How’d that happen?’ Charlie gets a small smile on her face.

‘She’s pretty awesome. Knows more about fictional lands than I do, and she’s a badass. She was telling me how she teaches all these different classes for women who want to learn how to fight. So, you and Cas, huh?’ The change of topic is so fast, that it throws Dean off a little.

‘He’s one of the guys you’ve slept with before?’

‘He’s the guy, Charlie,’ Dean says. He could have hidden it from her, but there doesn’t seem much point now.

‘The one I’ve been hounding you about?’ She looks around, then hisses at him, ‘best sex of your life guy?’ Dean nods. ‘Shit! Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘What, like I should have pulled you off to a secret corner and disclosed everything to you? In the same room as his brother, who before 3am this morning didn’t know his sexuality?’

‘Yeah,’ Charlie says like it should be obvious. ‘It’s a pretty fucked up situation, isn’t it? I feel bad for Meg, but man. Outing someone who’s not ready to be outed – that’s a horrible thing to do.’

‘Yeah, well, I played a pretty big part in that myself,’ Dean says. He drains the rest of his coffee. ‘He’s not going to want anything to do with me now.’ Charlie is looking at him sideways, her red hair falling over one shoulder, clothes messed up from sleeping on the floor.

‘And you want him to want something to do with you?’ she asks, softly. He wants to tell her yes.

But as last night proved anything you say can be heard, and he can’t risk that happening again. All he needs now is for Cas to find out he’s still got feelings for him. At least if no one knows then the rejection won’t sting so bad.

Well, okay, it will sting, but he can brave it out in front of people as long as no one knows about his desires.

‘I gotta pee,’ he says instead, standing up and heading for the bathroom.

 

He runs into Meg and Dorothy. Meg looks a little red rimmed around the eyes, but she doesn’t drop her gaze from Dean.

It’s a mixture of pity and hate that Dean feels towards her. She could have just kept her stupid mouth shut.

Then again, so could he.

‘Have you seen either of them?’ Meg asks. Dean shakes his head, but doesn’t stop to talk to her. She might have ruined Cas’s life – _they_ might have ruined Cas’s life.

When Dean comes out of the toilet, Marv is standing at the front door, letting the cold air into the hallway. Dean shivers.

‘Not long now,’ Marv says. The snow is only up to mid leg now, and Dean knows that some people might even prefer to struggle through it and get home, if it wasn’t for the downpour they’d get caught in.

‘Yeah,’ Dean says.

‘Did you have a good night? Getting locked in a library. I never thought it would happen,’ Marv says.

Did Dean have a good night?

Well, that really all depends on the outcome of the situation between Cas and Jimmy, Dean thinks. He’s always going to feel shitty about how it came about, but if Cas is out, and if Jimmy accepts it…there’s a chance for him and Cas.

If Jimmy doesn’t accept it…well, Dean can’t even think about that. About how it would destroy Cas.

‘Let’s go tell the others then,’ Marv says, shutting the door. They both head towards the library.

The others – minus the brother’s although Dean notices that Amelia is there, fiddling with the small gold cross around her neck – are standing back where they spent most of the previous day, in the main part of the library. No longer hidden by shelves or snowed in, it feels a bit weird looking around at these people Dean’s spent the night with.

‘Good, you’re all up. Well, the snow looks like it’s clearing, and it should only be another hour or so, tops before we can all get home safely.’ Marv looks around the little group. ‘Where’s Castiel? And Jimmy?’

‘We’re here, Marv,’ says a deep voice behind them, and those with their backs to them, spin around, until the whole group is staring at the twins walking slowly up the library stacks. There’s no obvious tension that Dean can see between them, but that doesn’t mean anything. Cas doesn’t look upset or angry or defeated; both him and Jimmy have that stupid ‘shutters down’ expression which gives nothing away.

‘Did you hear what I was saying?’ Marv asks.

‘Yes. We can all go home soon,’ Jimmy says. He slips into a small space besides Amelia, who immediately puts her arm around him.  

Cas stays where he is, slightly outside the group.

‘Good. Well, I’m going to tidy the office up a little more – you wouldn’t believe how much work I got done last night. You can actually see floor space now,’ Marv says.

‘That’s great,’ Cas says, a small smile on his face. Dean’s pretty sure it’s fake.

‘Whoever’s the last person to leave, just come and get me. I’ll lock up – and don’t worry I’ve already filed all the paperwork. The bosses are just going to have a field day with this one.’ Marv shakes his head, and walks away, still muttering to himself.

Nobody speaks.

‘I’m going to walk around the library. Make sure everything is still in place,’ Cas says. It almost feels like a dig at the group – he needs to make sure they didn’t defy his orders and mess up his precious library.

When Cas’s footsteps have disappeared down the bookshelves at the back, Jimmy speaks.

‘He didn’t mean to insinuate that you’d destroyed the books in his absence.’

‘We know,’ Charlie says. She’s holding hands with Dorothy, and Dean feels a pang as he looks at the two couples standing near him. ‘He just needs some time. It’s not fun being stared at. Everyone talking about you.’

‘Hey, that’s not fair,’ Jo protests. ‘We haven’t all been talking about him behind his back, but don’t try and say that you haven’t exchanged a few words about how bad last night was, and how you feel sorry for him.’ Her eyes flicker to Dean and then Meg. ‘How sorry you feel for everyone involved. Don’t pretend you and Dean haven’t been talking about it.’

‘We haven’t!’ Charlie says. ‘Well, okay, maybe a little bit, but you don’t know the whole situation.’

‘I know enough to be able to form a judgement.’

‘You don’t.’ The rest of the group are looking from Charlie to Jo and back again. Dean would put money on Charlie, but mainly out of loyalty. Jo can fight.

‘Oh, what? Is this the because I’m straight speech I don’t know what it’s like to be outed?’

‘Jo!’ Dorothy speaks then, cutting across Charlie. ‘You can’t…’ Her eyes flick fearfully towards Jimmy. ‘We don’t know what was said, and until you do, you can’t just go around assuming what the outcome was. Whatever was established, imagine having a group of strangers, and people you’ve been hiding a secret from, find out about it. Especially if you weren’t ready to let anyone know. Especially if you’ve carried it around for a long time.’

_Imagine risking it all for one person, and them letting you down in the worst way possible_ , Dean thinks to himself. _Imagine that_.

‘You do realise you’re all now discussing Castiel behind his back? Even if you had refrained from gossiping about it this morning,’ Amelia says. She looks angry, and Dean’s glad she doesn’t seem to have a robot button like her boyfriend and his brother. ‘We all know what went down last night, and while we might not understand the exact gut wrenching pain I know Castiel was in, we can empathize with him. And since everyone is oh so interested, it might do you all some good to know that Jimmy doesn’t have a problem with his brother and who he likes to sleep with.’ Her gaze lingers on Dean for the last part of the sentence.

Dean doesn’t ever think he’s felt relief like the wave that crashes over him at those words, not even when he came out to his family and they told him they didn’t care.

Even Meg releases a long, slow breath, and closes her eyes. If Dean thought she was religious, he might even think she was saying thank you to a higher power.

‘Amelia,’ Jimmy says quietly.

‘What? They all heard Dean and Meg last night, they all know what happened. They’ve all been wondering about it all morning, shooting me little looks when I came back.’

‘We just wanted to know if everything was alright,’ Dean says. He’s glad for Cas, of course he is, but he doesn’t like what Amelia is insinuating. That they’re gossiping about Cas because it’s a scandal, and it’s exciting for them to be caught up in it. Dean cares more about Cas than he has for anyone in a really long time. Meg’s been in tears, probably all night because of it. Charlie and Dorothy understand what Cas has gone through, having their own coming out horror stories themselves. He doesn’t know about Jo and Kevin, but they don’t seem the type of people to gossip about this – they seem caring. ‘Some of us care about Cas, and last night was a shitty situation,’ he says.

‘No thanks to you,’ Amelia bites back, and Dean feels, briefly, like the wind has been taken out of him.

‘You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t spent the night replaying how this is mostly my fault over and over? I would give anything to be able to take it back, but I can’t, which means that I can’t do anything for him, except worry about him. He told me why he was keeping it a secret, and hey, I’m glad everything’s worked out with him and Jimmy, but he’s still going to be feeling like shit, and that’s down to me.’

‘Well, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here, Dean,’ Meg drawls. She sounds a bit like she’s just along for the ride, but Dean’s starting to understand that that’s just how she talks; she could be calling the emergency services while someone bled to death in her arms, and she’d still drawl.

Mind you, she might also have been the one to stab them. Dean wouldn’t put that past her. ‘I was the one who bought everyone’s attention to it. Don’t go blaming this on yourself and your sleep addled brain. There was no need for me to open my mouth; this isn’t all on you.’ They share a look then, and Dean thinks they both understand. They’re never going to be friends, but they are each going to accept the part they had to play in Cas’s outing; and they each have to accept the other’s blame too, and the weird situation they were in.

‘Why do you even care?’ Amelia asks. She’s looking at Dean like she genuinely doesn’t understand his reasons. ‘Cas told us what happened between you two. How you weren’t there in the morning, what he said to you yesterday.’ Dean kind of wishes he was anywhere but here after that. This has been a bad night, and now he’s got to stand here and tell this group of people his feelings for Cas, feelings that he only really realised himself last night? Dean has trouble expressing his emotions to his own family; he even struggles with Charlie.

‘I care about him,’ he settles for. ‘He’s a good person and no one deserves to be outed when they’re not ready.’

‘You like him,’ Amelia says. Dean feels a little red around the cheeks. ‘You actually still like him, don’t you?’

Jo lets loose a little snort at that. ‘Oh, sorry but come on! Everyone could see you guys with each other yesterday. I thought it was just an attraction, but obviously, you liked each other. Whatever came before.’

‘I don’t believe this,’ Amelia says. ‘You like Cas? After what you did to him, upping and leaving after a one night stand?’

‘Hey, he told me that was the reason he slept with me in the first place,’ Dean says back. ‘Don’t have a go at me for something Cas wanted too.’

‘No.’ Amelia is shaking her head back and forth. ‘I don’t believe it. You just walked in here and found out you were trapped with Cas and now you’re making the best of a bad situation, but I don’t believe you actually care about him.’

‘It’s true,’ Charlie pipes up. ‘Dean has slept with a lot of people, uh sorry Dean, but I’ve never seen him act the way he did around Cas. He spent two weeks speaking to him, walking him to classes, talking about him before they spent the night together. And he wouldn’t shut up about him afterwards either. Honestly, I’ve never seen such a big grin on his face, and I don’t think it was just because of the fantastic, mind-blowing…uh, never mind. There are some things a brother does just not need to hear,’ Charlies winces a little.

‘Thank you for that, Charlie,’ Jimmy says.

‘Yes, thank you. All of you,’ Cas says. He’s in the middle of the shelves, staring right at them.

‘How long have you been there?’ Jo asks. She sounds amazed. ‘You didn’t even make a sound.’

‘Long enough to understand that you’re only all gossiping – sorry, talking – about me because you care about me. Not just to have a go at each other,’ Cas says dryly. Everyone looks a bit ashamed now, except Kevin who’s looking between them all, confused. ‘I do appreciate your concern – I do,’ he says, looking at all of them individually. ‘But me and my brother are fine. _I_ am fine.’

‘But you might not have been,’ Meg says. ‘It could have turned out differently and then you wouldn’t be fine. And it would be because of me – us,’ she gestures to herself and Dean. ‘We did a terrible thing, and I’m – we’re – both sorry.’

‘Thank you,’ Cas says, and there’s a flicker of a smile on his face. ‘Yes, it could have turned out awful. I can’t disagree on that point, mainly because that was the reason I kept it secret for so many years. But, you can’t spend your life worrying about things that _could_ have turned out awful. Enough actual things do. I firmly believe that if everything turns out okay, you should just be grateful and then move on. Something will come along and bite you back sooner and later.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Charlie asks. ‘I mean, I know I don’t know you very well, but it’s the sisterhood and all that. Gay power.’ She extends a little fist bump in the air, followed by Dorothy. And then Dean. And then Jo, who gives everyone a fiery look.

‘What, you’ve never heard of experimenting in college before?’

‘I’m okay. I wasn’t, last night when it happened, but me and Jimmy have talked, and things are okay. Really, that’s all that matters to me,’ Cas says.

That’s all that matters to him, Dean thinks. I don’t matter to him. He doesn’t really blame Castiel – if anyone had outed him before he’d been ready, he’d be quite glad to wring their neck – but it does.

‘We should get ready to go,’ Cas says. ‘The snow’s probably not a danger anymore, and I imagine Marv will want to be getting home as soon as possible. He’s got a Yorkie who pees when he’s nervous.’

There’s a flurry as people shove on bags and coats, scarves, gloves, whatever they came with. Cas raises an eyebrow in surprise when Jo asks if he can help her take out some interesting library books she found, and they wander over the front desk to sort it all out.

Kevin comes up to Dean, as Dean is shoving his now dead phone into his bag. He’s going to have to charge that as soon as he gets in. He let Sam know it would probably happen at some point, but he knows his mother and brother will be worried about him anyway.

‘Hey, man. This is going to sound weird, and I think I understand most of it, but what exactly happened last night? Meg and you accidently told Jimmy that Cas was gay?’

‘You didn’t hear it?’

‘Nah, man. I’ve been running on about four hours of sleep a night to make sure I’m ready for these exams. As soon as my head hit the cushion in this dark and quiet library, knowing I wouldn’t be able to leave, I was out. I don’t think I’ve had my eight hours since I was a child.’ Dean gives him a few of the brief points. Most Kevin has worked out for himself, it’s just the details he’s missed.

When they’re all ready to go, they’re all standing by the door, except Cas. He’s gone to tell Marv that they’re leaving. The door is open, chilly wind entering their bones despite their layers, and all of them eyeing the sky. It’s going to be a bitch walking home in this, and the foot of snow still covering the ground, but at least they’ll be somewhere warm. At least they’ll be home.

Charlie and Dorothy leave first, Charlie partially crushing Dean in a hug. She promises that once the bad weather is all cleared up that she’s going to be straight round, but Dean should still expect a call tonight.

He waves them off, watching the redhead until they turn a corner.

Next to say goodbye is Jimmy and Amelia. They just give little waves to everyone, but Jimmy is looking at Dean curiously. Before he leaves, he shakes Dean’s hand.

‘I have a feeling I’m going to be seeing a little more of you,’ he says, then takes his girlfriends’ hand and leads her outside.

Meg, who’s been in the toilet again – re-doing her make-up by the looks of her, although why she’d bother when it’s just going to get ruined in 0.5 seconds once she steps outside is a mystery – goes next, stomping over the snow in her boots. She gave them a brief smile, but that was it.

Dean isn’t sure they’re going to be hearing from her any time soon. He knows she still feels guilty about what she did. He makes a mental note to track her down, after the holidays, make sure she’s okay.

It was an accident. Dean’s going to have to remember that himself, and he doesn’t like the idea of someone else going through the same pain he’s feeling right now.

‘So, I’m guessing there’s no point in me giving you my number,’ Jo says, but she’s smiling.

‘You should definitely give me your number,’ Dean says. ‘I’m not going to ask you on a date or anything, but I think we should give being friends a try.’

‘Sure,’ Jo agrees. She writes her number on a slip of paper, and Dean shoves it somewhere it won’t get wet, inside his bag. He has a feeling him and Jo are going to be good friends after tonight. ‘You got far to go? I’m lucky, I’m only in that building over there,’ she says, extending a finger to point. It’s the nearest building to them, some massive grey bricked thing.

‘Hey, me too,’ Kevin says. ‘Fourth floor.’

‘Second,’ Jo says, and they share a look.

Dean clears his throat. ‘I’m a little further, but it’s only water. What’s the worst that can happen, I get wet? I’ll soon dry.’ He waves them both off, and watches them enter the building.

He should go. The longer he puts it off, the worse it’ll be.

He doesn’t move. He stays by the door, fiddling with this, checking that. His gloves aren’t on right. The label on his scarf is itching his neck, so he really needs to unwind it, and put it back on again. Did he put Jo’s number away safely? It would be a shame to lose it.

He’s just debating going back inside the library, and checking to make sure he’s got everything he came with, when Cas appears at the doors of the library.

‘Dean?’ he calls.

‘Hey, man,’ Dean says. No more waiting. ‘Everyone else is gone. Well, except Marv.’

‘Did you wait for me?’

‘What? No. Course not. I had to sort myself out a little, you know. Can’t just march into a rainstorm without your scarf and gloves on correctly.’ Cas has that little smile playing about his lips.

‘It would be okay if you waited for me. I wouldn’t have minded.’

‘Oh, well in that case, yeah I waited for you. I’m not even entirely sure how you put a scarf on wrong.’ Cas does smile at that, a small quirk of his lips on one side. ‘Are you okay? Last night…’

‘Last night. Yeah. Who saw any of that coming?’ Cas ponders something for a moment. ‘I’m not going to say I’m overjoyed that it happened the way it did, because that would be a lie. I don’t think I slept at all.’ There are little bags under his eyes, Dean notices. They really shouldn’t, but man do they make his blue eyes look bluer. ‘And I don’t think grateful is the word I’m looking for either. I’m, I’m okay that it happened. I wouldn’t wish for a repeat experience, and yes, with hindsight, if I had the chance to change it, I would. But I am glad that it’s out in the open now – that I’m out in the open now.’

‘Jimmy was really okay with it? Not just being polite to save face?’

‘No, he was fine. He said he doesn’t have a problem with homosexuality, but growing up with our parents he can see why I would have thought that. He said that he trusts me, and he’s just sorry I felt like I had to keep part of myself hidden because of him.’ Dean studies Cas, really looks at him, like he’s only done once before.

Cas looks more relaxed now, like the weight of the world is no longer on his shoulders. His eyes are a little brighter, and his mouth isn’t drawn back into a tense line as soon as he stops speaking.

Dean looked at him like this on the night they slept together. When he woke up, with Cas’s arms around him, and felt warm and safe and - it was too early to even be thinking about the L word, so Dean goes with cared for. When he studied the messy haired, plump lipped, tanned guy next to him, and felt something tug on his heartstring.

Before he placed Cas’s arm across his own body, and crept to the door, picking his clothes up as he went.

‘So, what now?’ Dean asks. ‘You going to go and sleep with as many men as you can? Make up for lost time.’ He swallows past the lump in his throat. If that’s what Cas wants, then Dean has to give him that. He can’t demand a chance just because Cas isn’t hiding anymore.

‘No, Dean. I’m not going to sleep with as many men as I can.’ Cas slings his bag over his shoulder. ‘I’m going to ask you what I never got a chance to last time. What I wouldn’t have asked you last time, even if you had still been lying in bed next to me when I woke up.’

‘What?’ Dean says. Something is crawling up his throat, something horrible, making it hard to talk. What does Cas want? ‘Ask me, Cas.’

‘Dean Winchester. Would you like to get breakfast with me?’   


End file.
